You are Worthy
Women, we have patterns in us that have been braided so tightly we think they’re natural. Like the hair on our head or the skin around our bones. Yet these patterns are not natural. Actually, they work in opposition to life and in order for us to truly live, they must die. It’s simple and profound how it happens from before we are born and gets woven in the fabric of our DNA. It’s not our fault, as it’s not culture that moves blood through our veins, but immersion in the natural tide of life.
There is a war against the feminine. A force determined to kill the very essence that gives it life. It used to be more blatantly in the open, like it still is in other countries. Women being subjected to witch killings, arranged marriages, genital mutilation, women as property, women being electrocuted in psychwards. In our culture, we are so “fortunate”. Most of us are relatively free. We can get an education, drive a car, travel around the world, have sex with whoever we want, marry for love, and have a family, career and social life. But in our culture, the trap has gotten to be inside our own minds. It’s the most brilliant kind of prison. Go to school. Get good grades. Judge your body because it never looks like the perfect models. Be confused about sex because it’s supposedly what everyone wants the most and how we all got here, but it’s one of the most taboo subjects.
And ultimately live mostly unknowingly under the thumb of your own inner patriarchy that subdues your truest soul desires.
We are systematically domesticated.
Where is the SOUL of women? Where is the cultural dance? The tribal songs? Singing and dancing here are mostly relegated to ego driven performances. Where are the mothers and grandmothers to support you when you have a baby? To teach you of the body mysteries of being a woman? Where is the dream time? In this perpetual go go go culture, where is the time to hear the Voice of the Soul?
I have become my own captor
In a prison I didn’t make
Yet maintain so nicely
When did this happen?
I used to know I was here to change the world
Now It’s my responsibility to keep the house tidy
My teachers told me it was not enough to be
That I had to do something to be somebody
But I couldn’t do what I am not
I am not of this world
Though I am born from the womb of my mother
I am not of this society although I have a taxable identity
I am not of this culture although I am imprinted for monogamy
Who am I?
If not this body
I am contained in little prisons of subtle conditions
No longer are we burnt at the stake of the church
Now we are silenced by a voice in our own heads
All the voices
Little prisons of subtle conditions
Poised from our screaming grandmothers
You will die if you reveal what you truly are
Is it natural to live in four walls?
Is it natural to eat 3 times a day?
Is it natural to work to make money to pay for a place to rest your head at night?
Is it natural to be typing into this electromagnetic box?
Is it natural to be injected with viruses and toxic metals at birth?
Is it natural to have a birth certificate that makes me property of the government?
Is it natural to pay taxes to fund things I don’t believe in?
Is it natural to drive a car that needs gasoline to move?
Is it natural to eat packaged food?
Is it natural to judge my body?
Is it natural to feel shame around sexuality?
Is it natural to be in a society that celebrates every man for himself?
Is it natural to be birthed under fluorescent lights with drugs in a hospital?
Is it natural to live in a time where humans are so disconnected from nature we’d rather kill ourselves than change?
I am not natural
In this world of little prisons
True Freedom dying to be born
And yet I’ve broke a thousand rules my grandmother never had the chance to live through
And I know my granddaughter will break a million more
Until we are stars of heaven upon the earth
Until we are natural
Until we are wild
Until we are free
So what am I saying? This is the KEY. I am speaking. UP. How many times have you silenced your authentic expression? How many times have you felt ashamed of your feelings? How many times have you hidden your truth? Do you retreat when you’re going through a challenging time? In all but a few connections, I feel like I know when something is wrong with a sister when I don’t hear from her. It’s this natural yet un-natural thing that happens when we aren’t feeling our best. It’s this feeling of withdrawal. Of wanting to go so deep within that nothing else could possible come in. I know for me when I need support the most is when I tend to withdraw. I feel like this plays directly into how sexual distortion is allowed to continue upon this planet. This same principal works when it comes to sexuality. How many abuses actually go reported? How many children had no one to tell? Or if they do, are told they can’t tell anyone. How many children are threatened by their abuser that if they speak up they will be killed? I’ll never forget the time in elementary school that one of my best friends said she was being sexually abused by her older brother, but that I couldn’t tell anyone because if he found out he would kill her. Or the time that I was almost abducted by a sexual predator substitute teacher in high school because the principal didn’t run a background report, and he told me I needed to be quiet about it so the school didn’t get in trouble. All I wanted to do in that moment is speak. I had a vision of getting on the HS stage and telling everyone what had happened. But I stayed silent. No wonder so many of us have a fear to speak the truth. One of my best friends who posts the most inspirational things on social media and is so loved tells me all the time how when she’s about to share a more edgy post, she feels she will be killed. It’s a super subtle energy, but it’s still there.
We must stop the pattern of hiding and being quiet. We must stand out. Be bold. Be loud. Even if we are scared and afraid, we must still speak the truth! We have a great honor and responsibility to raise our voices for the ones who cannot speak. We are the blessed women with access to technology and resources to not hide and be silent.
What allowed these threads to weave into the tapestry of our beings? The threads of hiding, shame, fear, guilt? In my view, it truly has one central cause.
I was flying from Kauai to Portland a few months ago entertaining myself by reading the amazing book Aphrodite’s Daughters by Jalaja Bonheim and also eating the delicious snacks my partner loaded me up with (you’d have thought I was leaving for months!). I reached into my bag to pull out some dried mangos and offered one to the middle aged woman sitting next to me. She declined (I personally wouldn’t ever be able to turn down free organic perfectly dried mangos, but to each their own) and then preceded to ask me what I was reading. I got totally real and scandalous with her and honestly replied I was reading about all these different woman’s experiences with sex. We ended up having the best airplane conversation of my life. She’s in the medical field in Southern California, but her husband passed away and now she wants to quit everything and travel the world. I shared with her the healing power of sensually connecting with sister friends, she shared her best friend buying her a thong for her date with this way younger man, and we talked about what it means to be a woman in these times and the rampant distorted sexuality. We laughed and connected. Deeply.
As we were nearing the end of the flight, a question came to mind.
What do you feel is the core wound of women? The thing that keeps us in these loops of sexual pain?
She said one word, “Deservability.”
In other words worthiness.
The belief that we are separate from divinity. Not knowing our worth. Which can make us act in ways that devalue our humanity and separate us from nature. To keep silence and not speak up.
It’s time to rewrite the story.
You are worthy. You are whole. Each moment guiding you deeper into your soul.
You have a voice.
You are chosen when you choose yourself.
These times call forth our most daring being. You may think you have nothing to offer. I tell you, this revolution is not one of change solidified by external power structures, but by the internal power of your own radiance bursting out of you like a thousand suns. Shattering the illusions of disconnection in the unity of your luminous love of all life.
Love like you never have before.
Love like the world depends on it.
Because it does.